Books : It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now: How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age

- Pushing 60 - Glad I Found This Again!
Well, I'm pushing 60 - pushing it pretty hard you might say - and finally decided to give up my workaholic ways and get a life.

I bought this book a while back, skimmed it, and put it up on a shelf for "when I had more time". Thank God I finally found some!

Barbara Sher is a riot! She's down-to-earth and gives practical advice that actually makes sense. She allowed me to accept that I'm grouchy, sloppy, and no fun before my first cup of coffee - and I can STILL do wonderful things!

Certainly, the second chapter of one's life should be the happiest. Barbara, in all her wisdom, gives us a guide on how to get there.

What a blessing she is!

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- Midlife: Wow, I had no idea!
Sher delivers an upfront, honest, down-to-earth look at Midlife. I turned 40 not too long ago, and hadn't thought about midlife (consciously) yet. I have been, however, very stressed and frustrated. I've started wondering, "Is this it? Is this all there is? What have I been working so hard for?"

I came across this book and am so glad I gave it a try. Sher discusses the purposes of our "first life", and the biological, emotional and cultural factors that affect us at various stages of our life.

Her discussion of midlife (our second life), our illusions, our expectations, and what really is possible was so eye opening to me. Sher's words gave me clarity and hope for new opportunities to live the life I've always been striving for.

I highly recommend this book.

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- From despair to renewal
I know my title might sound a little dramatic, but it is true all the same. I have read several of Barbara Sher's books, and all contain immensely helpful ideas, but this one literally saved me from what the poets would call a "slough of despond."

When our youthful dreams don't pan out, and time flies by as it does, a lot of us find ourselves mired in middle age with no idea how we got there and nothing interesting to do, seemingly condemned to dwindle away into a miserable old age.

I was in a complete quandary in my fifties. Years of disappointing circumstances left me feeling totally hopeless about my future. That "life begins at 40" stuff seemed like nonsense to me, only for people who were physically fit and well off - neither of which was I.

I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, either for employment or satisfaction of any kind in life. Thank goodness I stumbled across one of the PBS shows with Barbara Sher. Even though it was about another of her books, "Refuse to Choose," it was there that I heard of "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now." Her presentation was so appealing, straightforward, and logical, that I had to get the book.

Don't ever think that the idea of "never too late" is a cliché; it is TRUE, if you follow Barbara's brilliant steps, laid out so clearly in this book. You will never again feel that you are alone if you read it; and you will absolutely find a way to make the most of the rest of your life, WHENEVER you begin. But DO begin! Do read every word of this wonderful book and I promise you this uniquely insightful and empathetic author will make it worth your while.

I know there are a few Amazon reviews that take issue with Barbara's ideas about the unimportance of trying too hard to stay "beautiful" all our lives. All I can say is it was a relief to me to let go of the narcissism that our culture imposes on us. It doesn't mean we don't care about ourselves, just that we realize the importance of developing and emphasizing our other qualities.

I shall always be grateful for the "second life" that I have created for myself with Barbara Sher's invaluable help. The way she taught me to look at things was completely unexpected. I never was and still am not a "self-help" book reader. But Sher's books are somehow above and beyond that description. I hope that this one in particular stays in print forever, so future generations of people will be helped as I was.

By the way, even though it took me to be in my fifties to "discover" Barbara Sher, I highly recommend her books, this one especially, to much younger people. If you read this when you're 25, you won't be so likely to fall prey to the many myths about our older age selves.

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- Mid-Life Crisis? Any Crisis? Buy This Book, It Will Help
Dear Friends:

Full disclosure -- I am a big fan of Barbara Sher's other books :)

But when I first bought "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now" -- I was skeptical. How, I thought, could Ms. Sher convince me that a whole new "second life" awaited people entering middle age?

I was in the depths of a full-blown midlife crisis (very physically sick, mentally depressed, unemployed, many other personal losses, nearing age 50) -- this didn't seem like a transition to a new life, more like the end of my life, period.

But Sher's book gently walked me through all the destructive myths that people entering midlife believe -- and then showed me why the myths were wrong, and how I might construct a newer, more satisfying "second life" based on ideas that I had not previously considered.

I no longer felt isolated with my problems, as Sher quoted from happily-married, prosperous, successful clients -- who, despite outwardly being in much better shape than me -- were asking all of the same distraught questions about "now I'm 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 -- what do I do with the rest of my life? Is it too late for many of my goals? Is this all there is?"

Sher answers that it isn't too late -- "middle age" and "old age" in our era are very different than they were for previous generations. We have opportunities that they never had, but we must become aware of them.

Now, I recommend that interested readers read the whole book -- while it is written in clear, lucid language, Sher pulls no punches in discussing in the first few chapters how many of us arrive at middle age feeling "life sucks, and then you die."

But gradually, as you travel through the book, answering the questions she poses for the reader, you slowly start working out new, positive ways of thinking about your future.

The book made a big difference in my life, and helped me start climbing out of the pit I had fallen into. I am doing well in my life nowadays, and eagerly looking forward to the next 30-40 years, with many plans and ideas. Hopefully, the book will do the same for you.

I also recommend the book to people younger than 40 -- if I had been able to read this book in my 20s or 30s, it might have helped me make a better adjustment to entering middle age.

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- Don't Be Fooled By The Title
I loved "Wishcraft" when it first came out decades ago. Then, it was relevant to my life. Now in my fifties, retired from a physically-active job for medical reasons, and planning my future, I bought this book. The next day, I returned it.

Barbara seems to think that forty is old. Odd, considering she's older than I am. Just please be aware that if you're over forty, this book is not going to be terribly relevant to your life. It's probably terrific for people under forty, but if you're past early mid-life, forget it.

Another thing that made me question the validity of Barbara's more recent work was her insistence that once you've nabbed a partner, or settled into a career, or otherwise gotten your life together, you should put away your mirror and let yourself go. Yes, I'm serious. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the advice. And it's psychologically unsound.

My advanced drama class used to put on shows for retirement homes and long-term care centers. One thing I learned was that when a person (of any age) stopped caring for their appearance, it was a sign of depression and, in many cases, giving in and giving up. I also know, from a personal experience with clinical depression, that the quickest way to lift your spirits -- even a little -- is to dye your hair or buy a great new outfit. This applies to men as well as to women. Yet Barbara Sher encourages us to just forget about our physical appearance. I wonder how much longer she'll be writing (or doing anything else).

Angela Lansbury, on her wonderful videotape of several years ago, said that when she got older and was given more matronly acting jobs, she gained more than a few pounds. And she decided it was all right. She was older. She didn't have to prance around in a swimsuit. But Ms. Lansbury couldn't stand it, and lost that weight. She respected herself too much to just let it all hang out. From what I've learned, that's healthy. What Barbara Sher advocates is not.

Again, this book is probably helpful to younger people. But the "any age" she refers to in the title doesn't go much past forty.

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